Mixed Thoughts On Sexuality

I don't know if I should entitle this "Mixed thoughts on sexuality" or "...homosexuality" or just "...lesbians" or whatever.  I just thought I'd write about a few things that have been annoying me for a while.

 So... Oh God, where do I start?

You know how we sort out people in our minds' categories? We "stereotype" them? We place them in groups of other people that we have known or have met that are similar, whether it be by their personality or their looks, we all do it sometimes. It's ok, I'm guilty of it too. As a matter of fact, since I am such a judgmental person and I study people constantly, I am one of the worst about doing this!

Well, even I have boundaries where I say enough is enough. I may place people into categories based on previous knowledge and experience with others, but I do not let that form my opinion of them before I know them. I am really tired of people doing that to homosexuals simply because they are homosexuals.


The ironic thing, and perhaps the most tragic thing about this annoying action is the fact that homosexuals may be the worst about doing this more so than any other group! I am really tired of homosexuals feeding stereotypes as if the stereotypical characterizations were a fucking guideline list of requirements to be gay!


So, here is an excerpt from a story I posted a link to before on another blog (click here to read that blog, or access the link).  I will give another warning, just as I did in that blog: this is a fucking depressing story, so you've been warned not to read it.

I just skimmed through this story, reading the first, last and a few middle chapters. It's a true story about 2 lesbians.  Read this:

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“Oh my god, you are being so gay on me right now” I said. I chuckled at the same time she chuckled.

“I’m gay… I’m so gay people think I’m a boy most of the times” she smiled. “This is me being extra lesbian, pouring my heart into your mouth, into your eyes, into your gayness. This is me in my most homosexual me ever, right here right now. I’m a lesbian, you are a lesbian and I’m in love with you”

“Oh fuck” I looked away, grinning.

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I'm sorry, perhaps I analyze shit TOO FUCKING MUCH, but is it such a freaking big deal that people mistook her for a boy? Does getting mistaken as a boy make you a lesbian?

"I'm so gay, people think I'm a boy!"  WTF!


So, if you get mistaken as a boy, you're super duper extra fucking gay? And if you don't get mistaken as a boy, are you straight and narrow as a rod? Does being masculine mean you are a lesbian, or if you lack masculine qualities, are you less qualified to be lesbian? I hate these shitty stereotypes that homosexuals are locking onto.

You know what? I've been mistaken for a guy before! I had a bad hair cut from a devil woman once, and yes I looked like a boy. It made me horribly uncomfy for people to think I was a guy because I felt a need to correct them.  I wasn't proud of that as though as if to announce to the world "Oh look! I got mistaken as a boy! Halle-fucking-luiah! I get my gay stamp now!"


I also happen to have a deep voice for a woman, and over the phone at work, I often got mistaken as a guy. Meh...it happens, but it doesn't upset me. I understand that people can mistake my voice as a guy's voice over the phone because they can't see my face. It doesn't make me PROUD either, though as if I'm extra extra gay if I get masculine points!


And you know what? I'm so not hating on masculine women! I mean, if they want to wear men's clothing, get buzz cuts, be overly chivalrous as a gentleman would and grow a fucking beard, that's ok with me! I actually think some girls with boyish haircuts are rather cute, so don't misunderstand me.

What I am saying is I am tired of homosexuals thinking they have to fit into those categories in order to find their identity.


Think I am wrong about homosexuals? I don't....an example:


I once bought a book on lesbianism, being curious about how a professor from some college would write about the subject from a modern perspective. I often went to the "Gay and Lesbian" section of Barnes&Noble, and they have quite a few books to thumb through. I picked up a lesbian guide to dating, as the cover art was catchy and colorful (imagine that, how fucking rainbow of them) and found so much humor in the pages, I just had to buy it. The authoress was/is a professor at a college, but for the life of me I cannot remember her name or the name of the book. She teaches about sexuality though, so I would consider her an interesting source. I guess some college professors are just as full of shit as the rest of us morons here on planet earth though, because after I got the book home and actually read more, I realized how set in stone her stereotypical advice was!

This book featured advice on women, you know, how to get the girl, ways to meet women and success stories, etc etc. She started from the basics with advice on how to even figure out if you're a lesbian or not.  I find this to be a flaw first off, because I don't think it's so set in black and white that one truly is something. Your sexuality does not define who and what you fucking ARE as if it's your entire identity! It's only a portion of you, not the whole thing! She basically gave advice that was rooted in the belief that you either are or aren't a lesbian, and what traits you should have if you are/aren't. I HATE such boundaries, such black and white concrete, set-in-stone typical misinterpretations of sexuality! She basically had a fucking checklist to categorize yourself in order to assist you in finding your identity! FUCK THAT SHIT dude, seriously! Expand your mind and stop letting such thinking of others form your own opinions for you! She is a lesbian, and she is stereotyping more than most!


The worst thing I found in her book, the absolute WORST thing I found was one of her steps to find out about yourself by examining and asking yourself this one question:

"Are you a butch or a femme?"

FUCK!


She even had a checklist underneath both categories that featured supposed characteristics about each class and you were supposed to examine whether or not you had this or that trait for being a butch or a femme lesbian! How narrow minded!  I think the majority of the lesbian community which claims to be "educated" on the subject of sexuality feels the same as this professor. Prime example can be found here.   Yes, there is a butch-femme.com website, and it puts you in a class and takes away the rest of your identity! This shit really needs to stop.


So what the fuck am I then (by their standards) ?


As I read the lists of characteristics, I realized I had both qualities and it seemed to be an equal number on each list. Oh, I guess I don't have a place! Shun the outsider! Now I have an identity crisis, boo-hoo! Where's my identity?! I lost it!


Most people refer to me as a tomboy, a sort of neutral person who isn't all that girly, but at the same time I'm not really all that masculine either. I'm just me. Yes, I do wear men's clothing sometimes, but I also have women's clothing. I like men's bluejeans better because they don't squeeze the life out of my ass and put it on display for all the world to see. I also find that many men's shirts are more comfortable, but I don't do it to look like a man so I can be "butch" and get more attention as a lesbian in order to get "femmes" to latch onto me! So I may wear some men's clothing, but I don't have a short boy hair cut, so am I a "femme"?? I used to carry a wallet, but I have a purse now. It's not even a girly purse either, it looks like a freaking army satchel. I like wallets better because I hate carrying a bag, but well...I am a female, and I need to carry girly products once a month...thus the purse.  I don't wear make up, so am I "butch"? I have a pink watch though, so am I a "femme"?  etc etc, these stereotypes are bullshit!  This shit is supposed to make me get to know myself better and know my sexual identity?! Uuuhhh, sorry professor lady, but no thank you, I think I can figure things out better without examining my pants and mannerisms.



I hated that question so much, "Are you a butch or a femme?".... ugh ugh ugh! I have a name, it's Amanda, and that's the ONLY fucking identity I need! Strip me of my other characteristics and label me a butch or femme and place me within your mind's molded view on sexuality which is formed by others! Leave me with nothing left to my name other than my sexual preference and what fucking type of woman I am into! Take away my God damned soul while you're at it, you stupid ass closed minded people who think we need such strict guidelines to figure ourselves out! Go ahead and do it, and just draw up plans to put on my concrete grave marker whether I'm a "butch or a femme" too, I won't even give my preference to which one you label me as. I'll let you decide for me, after all, I'm already letting you decide  FOR ME  if I believe that cookie-cutter bullshit!






Fuck this, now I'm mad.









I'll shut the fuck up now, I've said my piece



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Okay, so this blog was originally posted in the early AM hours before I went to bed, but this morning I woke up and decided to add a little bit more after doing a search for "butch and femme quiz" on the web, having seen that it is apparently a popular search term. I am laughing my fucking ass off here...
So here is a random quiz that came up with my search results:

Click me


Okay, for shits and giggles, I took the quiz. I scored amazingly high on the "Androgynous " scale! So what WOULD the world label me as then? hahaha... fuck all you confining, conforming mind rotting clones. I don't live in your box square box of rules and labels.



*sticks tongue out*


I think I'll just act like an immature prick now, thanks.