The Expectations of Society

What a boring title...Expectations of Society. I lack creativity it seems. I suppose I am just like society. Even creating a title regarding a subject so uninteresting is difficult.


Well, tonight I am just getting some things off my chest that pertain to something which has been sort of itching in the back of my mind for a while. When it comes to society's expectations of how we should or should not behave/live, of course one could go off on a rant that would never end - someone like me especially. Someone who is observant and constantly aware of their surroundings as if they were being seen from an impartial third party perspective. I hope I do not sound boastful in stating that I do at least strive to see the world around me in this manner. One may think I am stroking my ego to make such a claim, because it may give off the impression that I think I am perfect. I do not think this, but I do believe I strive for ideals that more people should put into practice.



Of course, having discussed this subject with an online friend has also amplified the thoughts which already existed, much as water does to a plant (except for the whole dying thing for lack of water, that is).



What is really on my mind tonight regarding society's expectations?


Children and my lack of desire to have them for myself.


I may have spoken of this before, I am not sure, but I will say it once more: I do not intend to ever have children.



I work with many people and I meet many people all day, everyday. When you work in such a social environment (no joke, we have over a thousand customers per day usually. I know because we have an electronic customer counter) one is forced to have conversation constantly, whether it is with co-workers or customers.


What then? Eventually you get used to being asked the same questions.


"So how long have you been working here?"


"Are you from around here? Your accent is different"


"Are you in college?" (Since I appear that age of course this gets asked a lot)


"DO YOU HAVE ANY CHILDREN?"


So, these questions get asked over and over. You know, through just having simple conversation with people, I get asked the last question almost daily. I do not get tired of the question. I do not get tired of people asking me, and I do not get tired of the reply which I give that tells them a firm "no".

What I get tired of is the response to my reply:


"What?! Why not?!"


They act as if I just told them I did not want to even live another day, as if it was some preposterous idea that is so God damned alien to them....why, who'd have thought?!



Jesus Christ, this woman does not want children! That's so fucking....ABNORMAL!



Then there is another response that will soon follow which I am all too familiar with as well:


"Oh, that'll change, trust me. I know. I said the same thing. You'll want kids some day. Everyone thinks that at some point, but you'll want them eventually"



Now, perhaps I am alone in my thinking, but I think such a reply is rude.

Rude? Why rude?


I feel like telling them this:


"Excuse me? I beg your fucking PARDON, but did you just discredit my opinion on what I myself want/do not want out of life? And what reason have you to doubt my knowledge of what I want/do not want? Is it my age? The fact that I am female? Do you think I am inexperienced at life and haven't had enough exposure to children to have an educated opinion on the matter? Regardless of your reason for doubting my sincerity on the matter, it's rude of you to tell me I don't know what I want/do not want"



All this passes through my mind in an instant, but I simply will smile and inwardly sigh. Such simple minds... they would not understand even if I did rant that little lecture to them.



It is a simple concept.


For instance, pizza is my favorite food at the end of the day. I love the shit out of pizza. I think pizza is so damned tasty, and also you can get a lot of food for a small price when you order pizza. I can reheat it and take it for lunch at work and enjoy it the next day. It can be delivered to my door or I can hit up any pizza joint around town to get it, it's just so convenient. i can give all these freaking reasons why I think pizza is so damned awesome. That is my opinion, however, and there are those who fucking hate pizza.


Imagine this scenario:


"Do you want pizza?"


"No, thanks. I do not like pizza and I never have"


"What? No way, you're crazy. You'll want it eventually! Everyone says that at some point but you all come around and you'll want pizza at SOME point and change your mind!"


I am discrediting their opinion and their God damned right to not fucking want something.


Now, you may argue that it is indeed true that many parents change their mind about wanting kids and are happy that they have them. You may also argue that comparing pizza and babies isn't exactly a fair analogy but forget the objects I am comparing. It is the principle I am putting emphasis on, so do not judge me for comparing a food and a human being.


As to the fact that many parents change their minds about having children and decide suddenly, "Hey kids are just the shiz!" , I have a couple of explanations for this.


One - they had kids by "accident" (yeah right, they were irresponsible horny fucking retards) and were forced to live up to the consequences of their actions, therefore unintentionally discovering that they can either tolerate children or that they actually like them.


Or



Two - they thought they did not want children because they were under the wrong impression about what having kids was all about, but then OH! ONE DAY! One day they just have some small thought that maybe children would be a good thing to have for whatever reason. Maybe they want to continue their blood line or whatever. They decide having a child will make them happy. Some have even tried having kids to "save" a marriage (Bad mistake, BAD!). Anyhow, bottom line: they change their minds for whatever reason and voluntarily have children.



Now....I work with eighty-something people. Actually, it may be up to ninety or so now. Many of them have kids. I know the story behind them all. Almost everyone is single there. Most are single parents. As for the ones that are married parents, most of them had the children before they were married. Of those who had kids before they were married, some are not even from the partner they are currently married to. This can be said of most people I meet if I find out the background story on their children and married lives/past lives. It can even be said of my own family. So many have kids out of marriage by "mistake" or have kids from different partners and are married to someone else now.


I, however, know what I want/do not want more so than most people. I have already thought of the things that never occur to some people in regards to children. I know what a burden it is.


What is my point in all this?



People don't know what the FUCK they are getting into by having kids, usually.



I, however, do realize what all having a kid involves and I say "Hell fucking no, thank you very much!"



Now with all the fucking billions of people on the planet, think about this: what if we all aspired to have children? Surely we would wipe out our own race by over population and then we would be even worse off. Is it so bad to not want children?


When people ask me my reasons for not wanting children, I give them a completely simple, honest and rational (yet shocking to most) answer.


"I'm selfish," I tell them


Most people have an expression of shock pass over their faces at how casually I shrug and tell them that I don't want children because I am selfish. Few people have ever understood what I mean by such a statement.


Being a parent means devoting time to your child. It means self sacrifice. It means you'll have to have extra patience and extra responsibilities. You now have another fucking human life depending on you and looking to you for their every need.

Do you REALLY think I am fit for such a role when I admit I am selfish? I like having nothing to worry about but myself. I like having no one tugging on me for their needs 24/7. I like having no chains binding me. I like not having to spend extra money to support some one else also. Money is always a factor, right? I do what I want, when I want. I am selfish. I realize it. I may be a good potential parent in regards to raising a kid, but I have no desire within me.



How does it relate back to society? Well, let's examine that.


In our culture, we put emphasis on girls from a young age to be motherly by our media, our toys such as baby dolls and the like. Most every woman I know will admit or has admitted to me that they always dreamed of having kids since they were such and such age. Even those who didn't have children intentionally, they too had a certain number of kids in mind that they wanted even before they met the right partner. I'm sorry, isn't that a bit fucking backwards? Whether it's through some fucking movie that glorifies having children and paints a different portrayal of parent life, illusioned childhood dreams that never matured into sound adult realizations, or even some stupid fucking "keeping up with the Jones" complex of wanting to have what others around you have.....whatever the reason, culture has ingrained and embedded it into your American mind that you should fucking reproduce, regardless of whether or not you have a partner. Regardless of whether or not you have the money. Regardless of whether or not you are even fucking sane! Regardless of whether or not you have any means of taking care of a child, you are not only entitled to have one, but you are considered abnormal for NOT having one! You are expected to have one, yes at least one surely!



Well not me, reader, not me! I shall go against the grain and continue to attempt to enlighten the world by telling my simple, bizarre reply of, "I'm selfish."


A guy at work the other night is hanging around my desk near closing time. His name is A.C. (No really, that's his legal name) and he is speaking to my co-worker, Jason. A.C. is discussing his kids, and since Jason has 3 children, he joins in on the conversation. These conversations usually exclude me, and I am used to it. They only reinforce my desire to remain childless, because the parents are almost always bitching about something to do with their children.

A.C. makes a comment about me not having kids, and says something along the lines of "Amanda says she doesn't want kids. Yeah, she claims she is too selfish."


I nod. I don't offer up further explanation. I don't need to explain myself, the words are quite plain and simple.


Jason just looks to the side at me with a puzzled expression. I still do not offer up an explanation.


A.C. continues to speak on the subject in regards to me, however, saying, "Amanda would make a great parent though, her and Ray. Yep, have you ever seen them talk to each other?"

(He is asking Jason this question)


Jason shakes his head, he's never been around me and Ray because he is a new guy at work.

A.C. explains to Jason how me and Ray act around each other, so kind, patient and somewhat formal despite our living together and being together for 2 years. He is right though... we are far more kind and rational toward each other than any one else I have ever seen. We are not like most couples, over emotional and such. We do not argue. We've never had an argument. Not even with the last couple of months and my confusion over where I stand sexually, we never argued. We just talk things out.


"I can't imagine those two ever arguing," A.C. says, "they're too nice to each other."


A.C. is right about a few things. Ray would make a great parent. I would too actually, as far as my raising the child. I would actually use reasoning and would not be over emotional, although I would analyze my kid far too much. However, just because I know I would be good at something doesn't mean that I would WANT to do it.



I think many people have kids out of selfishness also.


They want the kid.

They think it would be nice.

They think it would make them happy.

They would like to continue their family lineage.

They had a kid by accident because they were serving their pleasure when fucking like animals, not thinking of consequences.

I am not criticizing these reasons, but I am saying that it still is rooted in something that they want, something that pleases them ultimately.



It's funny... I don't want children because I am selfish, and that is also the reason most have kids.



Well, fuck society's expectations for me to bear children.



They can shove their expectations up their own child bearing cooters.



Good night all.