I found this to be a difficult assignment because well...
1) I think it's a boring and terribly DULL topic that provokes no passionate response from me and
2) I pretty much have ALWAYS had the respect of my parents, family and friends because:
Parents - my dad was proud of me since he treated me like a son and always wanted a son (yeah we'll get into that some other day blah) and my mom was proud of me for a million reasons, and she always respected me...
Relatives - they've always had an enormous amount of respect for me as well, they knew of how I had overcome a lot...
Friends - if my FRIEND didn't respect me, they'd not be a FRIEND at all to me, right? Jesus, that's redundant. Of course my friends freaking respect me! Sheesh...
So not to sound arrogant, but I've never really had to earn respect from these people the assignment listed as those I had to include.
I hated the assignment, so I basically created some bullshit.
Now, this uncle of mine DOES exist, and he did indeed give me a card on my 18th birthday which contained a note on how proud he was of me. I was indeed surprised at how he was so open with me because I'd never felt a connection to him at all, and it really was because we were both shy. This much is true. However, the emotions listed in this essay are basically bullshit.... I fluffed it all up.
I had to base it on another essay where a Mexican authoress' father was ashamed of having her as a daughter simply because she was female, but she gained his respect FINALLY when one of her articles was published in a Mexican magazine. It was a small gesture in comparison to the fact that she'd already had several things published - including books - and had received several awards. The Mexican magazine publication, however, was the turning point for when her father finally started to respect his daughter and admitted he was proud of her. This essay was our example to follow in which we were to write about some pivotal moment in our relationship where we gained the respect of someone. I think this whole assignment was terrible boring but...whatever.
So Kampilan! Sorry I didn't let you read it when you offered to help me :) I was so....embarrassed at how fucking DULL this stupid assignment was and the terrible results I'd produced as a final product. However, last night I went to English class and graded a student's paper, and MY GOD IT WAS HORRIBLE! So in light of how terribly written my classmates' papers truly were, I worked up enough courage to post this shit here in a blog where you may now read it. Let me know if it truly sucks ass please? ^___^ *bows*
To look down upon one's own blood relative, to judge them so harshly when you barely know them - isn't this a tragedy which is all too familiar within many American families? All too often we are too busy, too consumed with our daily tasks and rituals that we toss aside the more trivial matters - those unrelated to survival and work - such as spending time with our families. Too often we grow so far apart that we only know our family members as familiar faces we see on holidays or perhaps the faces that are in the pictures on our walls where we are all smiling happily as if we know each other well.
Yet despite our lack of family interaction, we often feel we are in a rightful seat of judgment to those very same family members as gossip or rumors spread and rip families apart. How misleading it all can be! The pictures, the gossiping, the fake formalities that are exchanged at Christmas or Thanksgiving - all lies, lies and more lies! A quint essential example of such an unfamiliar and yet judgmental person would be my uncle, William. I have never referred to him as "Uncle William" or any other such honorific - just William.
William is the younger brother of my mother, and a half brother at that. My rather large family consists of many complexities that are difficult to convey with words. Far too many marriages, divorces and children from other marriages have resulted in the creation of extended families and sub families, ultimately ending up in many "Who are you again?" circumstances at awkward family gatherings.
My mother had for many years been the victim of harsh family criticism for her struggles as a single mother recovering from a failed marriage to an alcoholic husband. Since we moved around a lot, as a result of her job, my sister and I were constantly pulled out of schools and placed in others. My sister and I were the only children, but nevertheless, my mother had her hands full with us. Our social barriers we faced as teenagers who were hopping from one school to another certainly had an impact on our mutual decision to drop out of school altogether. This, of course, further worsened my mother's reputation as an unfit mother who let her daughters do whatever they wanted at a whim since she was too unstable to do much more than keep a simple job in the family's eyes.
William was no exception to thinking very little of my mother, or so I'd heard. All the things he would say behind my mother's back when we weren't around made its way to our ears. He seemed to be within the majority of the opinions regarding my mother, sister and I.
"The girls don't care about their education, they're just lazy and stay home all the time!" or "The girls are a burden to poor Rhonda. She's working as hard as she can and all they do is sit around!" were common misconceptions which flew about the family circle. I hated how my sister and I constantly got referred to as "the girls" and not by our given names. My household was known as "Rhonda and the girls" to everyone else. Another family gathering, another holiday at Grandma's, another time to feel the reminders of how we were pitied for our financial and other rumored struggles within the family offered little help.
"How are you girls doing?" William would always ask, as if it were a forced polite question or a begrudgingly exchanged formality that he had to ask in order to simply appear nice to my sister and I.
"Good, I guess. You?" I would always manage to reply in this similar fashion every time I would see this uncle of mine.
It was always so awkward, for William was an intimidating person. He had faced adversity in his life and rose above it all! He had worked so hard for all he'd gained, fighting challenges as a young man and earning his way through college to become the proud businessman of the family. I knew he looked down upon us, despite his humble beginnings, for his air of superiority could be sensed from a mile away and we paled in comparison to the perfect example that we failed to live up to. He was a snob, just as everyone else said he was, and I knew it too. I didn't like his fake politeness.
We barely would exchange words beyond those which were forced out in a polite manner and consisted of brief updates on how we all were doing since the last family gathering. He reminded me of my father, or what little of him I can remember on the occasions when he was sober: frightening and nearly stoic with his unfeeling eyes that lacked compassion. There was one such family gathering, however, that altered our relationship and my perception of William.
On the day of my eighteenth birthday, I received a surprising amount of unwanted attention from family members I had not seen in a long time. It was simply coincidental that random family members happened to visit my grandma that day. My mother, sister and I were living with my grandma at the time, having little funds to live elsewhere, so naturally I was forced to mingle with everyone. William's visit to our household was another surprise of the day, for he'd not seen me on any birthday since I was probably eight years old. No party was planned, yet there William was, giving me a birthday card and hugging me like he'd never done before.
"Happy birthday," he said as he handed me the card.
"Thanks William," I replied, reassuring myself, once again, the he was forcing out the wishes and he did not truly care if I did indeed enjoy myself on this day or not.
As I read the card, however, I had many confused feelings that I can only clarify now in hindsight. William wrote a little paragraph in the card in scribbly hand writing which slanted this way and that, and he expressed how proud he was of my recent acquiring of a G.E.D. before encouraging me to take my education to further heights since I was so very smart. He wrote of how he knew what challenges I had faced and that he knew I could rise above it all.
Upon reading all his words, I was so baffled to learn that I had an unknown respect from him, and that was enough to render me speechless. Where was the unfeeling, selfish snob that I knew, or thought I knew? Where was the unfeeling businessman who had everything and looked down upon those who didn't have as much courage to overcome challenges just as he had done? Who was the person who was standing before me and why had I not seen him before?
I thanked William as best as I could, but I remember very little else of that day. The rest of that birthday was insignificant in light of what I'd discovered: I had the respect of a family member who I thought despised me, and (to my great shame) I despised as well. This card...this little card conveyed much more than just mere words. It was a realization for me when I turned the thought over in my mind that I did not know at what point I'd gained such admiration from him, or what pivotal action I'd performed to garner his respect, but it was there.
To this day, I see William as so much more humble, so human and so much more kind than what I gave him credit for. As it turns out, he and I could never exchange many words because we are both shy. He had a hard time in school just like me, so he had compassion hidden in his heart reserved and tucked away, never coming forth due to the fact that we almost never saw one another. It was not he who let family gossip get the better of him, but I rather, believing the negative comments I'd heard about his conceited arrogance that was nonexistent - a tragedy indeed, and an all too common one among American families who are too busy to get to know their family members. My relationship with William was changed for the better, and we now both hold each other in high regard. In light of how humbled I was by this experience, I strive to think the best of those around me, whether they be family, friend or foe, for truly we are not the ones who should sit in judgment of one other.
Side note: No, I didn't assume all these terrible things about this uncle of mine, I just made that shit up. I never thought badly of him, that was all fiction blah blah blah....
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