I hopped, skipped and jumped around to different points I feel strongly about regarding relationships. I'll just post an explanation I used from my myspace blog:
Below is an essay I wrote for English class. I told some one I would post it in all its non-glory for all to see, that they may see it and weep...errr, I mean agree with my not-so-humble opinions on life. Do keep in mind that I am firm in my opinions but I rarely share them, so to those of you who think you personally know me....if this comes off as pushy and you are surprised at how firmly I express my opinions, I assure you I do mean everything I said here. I would not really discuss this topic with anyone in person, usually. The topic of this essay was "describe the perfect/ideal partner or relationship in a definitive essay"
Well, while I do feel like I can say a million things on this subject, I will confess that I consider my essay only "ok" or "lukewarm". I did not truly put my heart into it, for it would no doubt be a million pages. My end result simply came to be more of a description of what a relationship/partner should NOT be, rather than what they SHOULD be. I do not think my professor will really acknowledge or even realize this flaw, as she has far too many horrible, horrible papers submitted to her by mindless morons in my English class. Forgive any grammatical errors, I didn't really proof read the darn thing. Read if you are bored enough, I dare you!
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If the subject of ideal relationships were to be brought before a panel of judges in order to find common ground or agreement on the subject, I fear every member of the party - be it big or small - would disagree on the matter, for each has his or her own definition as to what foundation a meaningful, mutual understanding between partners should actually consist of. Life's experiences and expectations shape our individual minds' opinions regarding this topic, and as we mature, even those concrete ideals will be challenged and molded into new ones. Truly, therefore, it is my belief that the "ideal partner", albeit nonexistent, simply lies within one's own perspective. This is to say, rather, that it is a matter of opinion that will vary greatly from person to person.
I have always thought that in order for one to be ready and mature enough to even begin a relationship, one has to be happy and fulfilled with his or her own life before the person can be so with a partner in a healthy romantic relationship. My rather simple reasoning is simply this: if a partner wallows in the throes of unhappiness due to whatever miserable problem he or she is having, that person will find comfort in the arms of another and then the object of their affection will unknowingly become the sole emotional support for the injured one; both parties will often be unaware of this occurrence. The temporary satisfaction we often find in romance seems to soothe our unhappiness for a little while, as it takes our minds off of whatever problem we may have been previously facing. However, if a void was there to begin with in an injured party, the partner is only a filler therefore, and is only being used as a comfort, a human bandage. Such shallow foundations quickly crumble, and often times, lead to disaster.
On the other hand, if one is happy being single and is not looking for someone to fill that gap in his or her life, then that person is stable enough to be in a romantic relationship. If there is no void to fill in the first place, the person will have far less selfish tendencies to unknowingly use another as an emotional crutch. It is my firm belief that many (if not most, sadly) relationships are built on emotional dysfunction, insecurities and selfishness.
I may be very alone in my views on relationships, but I do believe I have applied far more logic and reasoning to the matter than most. For many, those romantic ties and bonds are based upon emotion, what "feels good" to them, without further thought as to what is actually healthy or even morally right. It is indeed a shame that many live without morals at all concerning relationships! Perhaps a little more reflection on what one is looking for and practices of selflessness are needed to develop ones character in preparation to even be ready for a mature romantic connection.
A partner who would be hypothetically ideal to me would definitely be someone who did not base the foundation of our relationship on emotional highs which are temporary, here-today-gone-tomorrow feelings. A sense of personal happiness for their own self would have to be already present within them, for I have no plans to become one's sole source of strength or joy. I would expect them to be open with how they felt, and open to conversation, but at the same time not constantly in need of reassurance that they are indeed loved and wanted. I find it irritating that so many are in need of such constant reminders that they are still loved, still wanted, still adored! This is all rooted in insecurity which, as I mentioned, will rot a relationship. An overly clingy partner is certainly a nuisance and a burden to say the least, and I have no intention of being brought down by someone too immature to go a day without hearing "I love you, you're special, I'm crazy about you, you're still wanted" etc.
Perhaps my opinions on the matter are harsh, but that is precisely what I believe they should be. One should have firm opinions on what qualities a partner/relationship should possess.
On the subject of sex, it too falls in line with other topics of relationships in that it is mixed and varied depending on who you talk to, but I personally believe that it is only a part of a relationship. A part, a fragment, a piece, a fraction of the big picture. Sex is emphasized far too much in today's media driven society where fads and superficial, skin deep physical attributes dictate morals - or should I say lack thereof? A partner of mine would have to understand that I view sex as a byproduct expression of deeper, underlying feelings which are rooted in a foundation far greater than physical pleasure alone. In other words, feelings and trust come first, sex comes later! It is so very tragic that I have known people to confuse that order which I just named, sometimes never even reaching the aforementioned mutual bond before sexual consummation.
I do not mean to say that a relationship should be robbed of emotion entirely. After all, we as humans are indeed emotional beings at the end of the day. However, I am stating that we should not let emotions alone be our sole guidelines in relationships.
I am currently in a relationship and I have been for over two and a half years. My partner and I feel no need to always reassure one another and sooth each others' insecurities. We also enjoy talking, but we do not feel offended when one of us simply wishes to stay silent. I believe it to be a beautiful thing when one can be content in both conversation and silence with their partner. Unspoken understandings are passed between us as naturally as our own internal thought processes, there is often no need for words. We both work and attend college, thus resulting in very little time to spend together. However, we do not have a true need to be with each other constantly, for we are quite happy as individuals and as a couple. This sense of inner peace is what gives us a solid starting ground that we will always share.
These things I have shared would be (and have been!) ridiculed as unfeeling and without humanistic qualities. I am aware of how my opinions can come off as shallow and almost robotic in the belief that emotions often cloud views on relationships. I daresay we should throw many emotions away and replace them with logical reasoning! This might even be seen as an arrogant remark, but I feel it to be true nonetheless. Amazing really, how these views of mine conflict with the majority of those amongst my peers. It further supports my opinion that an ideal partner is in the eye of the beholder, held in the palms of the hands that shape our destinies - our hands.
I have always thought that in order for one to be ready and mature enough to even begin a relationship, one has to be happy and fulfilled with his or her own life before the person can be so with a partner in a healthy romantic relationship. My rather simple reasoning is simply this: if a partner wallows in the throes of unhappiness due to whatever miserable problem he or she is having, that person will find comfort in the arms of another and then the object of their affection will unknowingly become the sole emotional support for the injured one; both parties will often be unaware of this occurrence. The temporary satisfaction we often find in romance seems to soothe our unhappiness for a little while, as it takes our minds off of whatever problem we may have been previously facing. However, if a void was there to begin with in an injured party, the partner is only a filler therefore, and is only being used as a comfort, a human bandage. Such shallow foundations quickly crumble, and often times, lead to disaster.
On the other hand, if one is happy being single and is not looking for someone to fill that gap in his or her life, then that person is stable enough to be in a romantic relationship. If there is no void to fill in the first place, the person will have far less selfish tendencies to unknowingly use another as an emotional crutch. It is my firm belief that many (if not most, sadly) relationships are built on emotional dysfunction, insecurities and selfishness.
I may be very alone in my views on relationships, but I do believe I have applied far more logic and reasoning to the matter than most. For many, those romantic ties and bonds are based upon emotion, what "feels good" to them, without further thought as to what is actually healthy or even morally right. It is indeed a shame that many live without morals at all concerning relationships! Perhaps a little more reflection on what one is looking for and practices of selflessness are needed to develop ones character in preparation to even be ready for a mature romantic connection.
A partner who would be hypothetically ideal to me would definitely be someone who did not base the foundation of our relationship on emotional highs which are temporary, here-today-gone-tomorrow feelings. A sense of personal happiness for their own self would have to be already present within them, for I have no plans to become one's sole source of strength or joy. I would expect them to be open with how they felt, and open to conversation, but at the same time not constantly in need of reassurance that they are indeed loved and wanted. I find it irritating that so many are in need of such constant reminders that they are still loved, still wanted, still adored! This is all rooted in insecurity which, as I mentioned, will rot a relationship. An overly clingy partner is certainly a nuisance and a burden to say the least, and I have no intention of being brought down by someone too immature to go a day without hearing "I love you, you're special, I'm crazy about you, you're still wanted" etc.
Perhaps my opinions on the matter are harsh, but that is precisely what I believe they should be. One should have firm opinions on what qualities a partner/relationship should possess.
On the subject of sex, it too falls in line with other topics of relationships in that it is mixed and varied depending on who you talk to, but I personally believe that it is only a part of a relationship. A part, a fragment, a piece, a fraction of the big picture. Sex is emphasized far too much in today's media driven society where fads and superficial, skin deep physical attributes dictate morals - or should I say lack thereof? A partner of mine would have to understand that I view sex as a byproduct expression of deeper, underlying feelings which are rooted in a foundation far greater than physical pleasure alone. In other words, feelings and trust come first, sex comes later! It is so very tragic that I have known people to confuse that order which I just named, sometimes never even reaching the aforementioned mutual bond before sexual consummation.
I do not mean to say that a relationship should be robbed of emotion entirely. After all, we as humans are indeed emotional beings at the end of the day. However, I am stating that we should not let emotions alone be our sole guidelines in relationships.
I am currently in a relationship and I have been for over two and a half years. My partner and I feel no need to always reassure one another and sooth each others' insecurities. We also enjoy talking, but we do not feel offended when one of us simply wishes to stay silent. I believe it to be a beautiful thing when one can be content in both conversation and silence with their partner. Unspoken understandings are passed between us as naturally as our own internal thought processes, there is often no need for words. We both work and attend college, thus resulting in very little time to spend together. However, we do not have a true need to be with each other constantly, for we are quite happy as individuals and as a couple. This sense of inner peace is what gives us a solid starting ground that we will always share.
These things I have shared would be (and have been!) ridiculed as unfeeling and without humanistic qualities. I am aware of how my opinions can come off as shallow and almost robotic in the belief that emotions often cloud views on relationships. I daresay we should throw many emotions away and replace them with logical reasoning! This might even be seen as an arrogant remark, but I feel it to be true nonetheless. Amazing really, how these views of mine conflict with the majority of those amongst my peers. It further supports my opinion that an ideal partner is in the eye of the beholder, held in the palms of the hands that shape our destinies - our hands.
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