Emotions

I know for a fact that I've expressed how useless many emotions are before in other blogs. Of course, they're not entirely without purpose, but it just sucks how people take feelings and run with them.

I am bothered tonight, and I was all day as well. I won't say what it is that's truly on my mind; it would only make things worse I guess. Let's just say I am upset over a simple concept that we all learn very early on in life: sometimes life just isn't fair.

People don't always get what they deserve, even if they are a really good person.

People don't always get what they deserve, even if they are an asshole.

We all know this to be true. I mean hell, it's such an elementary idea that it's barely worth giving any thought to, really. Logically speaking, I should just apply that reasoning and try not to let it bother me. Ah but...that is not so easy because I am an emotional being, damn it. I care about the person so that makes it difficult to accept such an injustice.


I shouldn't have let it bother me all day, and yet it did. I shouldn't have thought so much on the subject, but here I am now doing it. It got me down so badly that I crashed when I got home. I didn't really care, I just took a nap. I said "fuck it" and I'm still upset about it.


Fuck, it's just so .... and yes, I'm being weird and mysterious, I know. I have my reasons, lemme alone.  *sticks tongue out*

Even Amanda can write a whiney blog, and so here I am abusing that right   >_>


Oh God, I can't get it off my chest fully. I think I want to face-keyboard now

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Useless emotions. Emotions and immaturity are to blame for the very thing that I'm upset over in the first place! Why was that person so God damned immature? WHY did they have to say shit like that, and WHY did the person I care about not seem to care about being spoken to in that manner?

It's not right, is it? It's not. It's not even my right to be upset over the matter, I wasn't even the one who was even being spoken to so harshly. Yet here I sit upset, though I admit I haven't the right to be. It is, as I said, not so easy when you care about the person. I care about my friends. I'm going to sound SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO whiney right now, prepare yourselves. It's coming.


When I love someone (even as a friend! Yes I said love, for God's sake there are many levels of it, get over it) I really really love them, you know? If I don't like someone, I really, really don't like them. I feel everything pretty deeply and I've really learned to cope in order to survive but still...still, I am that same person. For me, it is only natural to want what's best for someone I care for. It is only natural... but God it's hard to just sit and stay silent sometimes because of the fact that I feel things so deeply.


Me and Ray are fine, it doesn't involve him. We're fine.


As I said, people don't always get what they deserve but that's a two way street. Maybe it's a good thing, because inside, I think most of us are assholes at the end of the day. God I sound so pessimistic right now. I truly don't think I am an asshole though, I just can be at times. I really, really do care.


Whatever, I can care my little heart out and it wouldn't matter anyhow. Useless, it's all useless. All my concern is nothing, nothing at all. Why? Because caring about something/someone is useless if you don't say/show how you feel. Saying how I feel will probably make things worse though, so here I sit feeling those useless emotions. At least I won't fucking lash out at someone over them though....immature people should grow the fuck up.


whatever





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